I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
