Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
