He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
