Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
