I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
