I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
