He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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