This is not my ceiling
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
third nipple confirmed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
