if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
