After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
