dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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