im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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