I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize