It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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