shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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