You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
