i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
