My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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