I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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