She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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