oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
