Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
