im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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