I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He better not be in your backpack
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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