You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
