im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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