Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
