Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
