I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize