It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
tell me about the eggs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize