she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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