So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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