At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
