A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
