I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize