i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have demons in me.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
