You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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