you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
