ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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