There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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