we're blogging at a bar
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
