i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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