I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
