If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you would pick up someone in the library
Sober January is a disaster.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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