I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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