Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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