Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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