so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
