I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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