Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Houston, we have a blender
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
PANTIES FOUND
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