i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
