if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
COCAINE IS GR8
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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