Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
