Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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