yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
