Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
