she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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