remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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