That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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