everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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