I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
