i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize