Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
