I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
