I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
