I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize