white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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